laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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