Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
