idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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