Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
