i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
