Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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