I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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