Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
