I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
