I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
