Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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