well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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