And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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