Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
