My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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