We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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