dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize