Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
