so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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