Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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