she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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