It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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