It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
