i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
