You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
