thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
