Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
