we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
