You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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