I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
