Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize