thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
