why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
third nipple confirmed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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