Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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