dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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