I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
