So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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