She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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