its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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