saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
