Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
