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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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