the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
