...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
