Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and she was petting her beer can
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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