The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
