Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
