Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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