it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
