Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
