I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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