How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
