you didnt know i had herpes?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
did you just send me my own nude
Drake has all the answers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
