well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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