I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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