Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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