I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
