if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
