May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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