sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
