Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
