boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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