I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
