He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
