idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
