hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
