Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
