Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
