Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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