Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
