I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
