She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
