I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
