sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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