youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
