If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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