does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
