I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
