I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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