that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
