I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
