guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
