the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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