He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
