Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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