dude i'm inner monologue high
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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