I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize