i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
