Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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