oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
