Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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