That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When did angry sex become our thing?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i believe in u and ur pee
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