best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
