i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
