So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
