I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like abortions should bother me more
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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