If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
