people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
